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2 Blokes (Japanese and American) are playing golf. The Japanese guy is getting ready to tee off and suddenly starts talking to his thumb.
American bloke says: "What you doin?"
"Oh, don't worry, with Microtechnology I have a Microphone in my thumb. I was just recording a message."
The 2 men carry on golfing, but all of a sudden the American man makes a funny sound, that amazingly sounds like a fart. The Japanese man looks over at him. 'Oh,' says the American. "Don't worry, I'm just receiving a fax."
______________________________________________________________________
Teacher asks Little Johnny to use the word 'definitely' in a sentence
Little Johnny replies, "Teacher, do farts have lumps in them?"
The Teacher says, "Of course not Johnny,"
To which Johnny replies, "Then I have definitely shit my pants then..."
Confucius say, Man who drop watch in toilet have shitty time.
______________________________________________________________________
A guy sits in front of TV all day, farting like there's no tommorrow.
But not just gassy airish farts, I'm talking mega greasy wet ones, the kind that would make your dog puke.
The wife, understandably is angry as f**k, and says: "one day Honey, you are gonna fart your guts out."
THe next Sunday, as wife is preparing Turkey for sunday lunch, Hubbie falls asleep.
THe wife spies an opportunity to get her own back, so she takes the innards of the turkey and places them in the underwear her husband is wearing. She then went back to cooking the turkey. Later on that night, her husband came to the dinner table looking very frightened.
"What happened?" asked his wife.
"Well," the man said, "you were right. I farted my guts out."
"What did you do?" asked his wife.
"Well with the Grace of God and these two fingers I got 'em all back up in there!"
Thursday, March 12, 2009
Did you know?
On the average, a healthy person farts 16 times a day.
Hey guys, don't be fooled by girls who tell you that they never fart.
Everyone farts, including girls. In fact, females fart just as much as males.
Many animals fart too. Cats, dogs, and cows. Elephants fart the most.
People fart the most in their sleep.
Farts that contain a large amount of methane & hydrogen can be flammable.
Blondes Fart.........
Blondes Fart
Of course, blondes farting are just as funny as other people farting, but this is a blonde jokes site after all. The famous blind date video is about a typical dumb blonde farting, and of course there is the Britney Spears parody "Oops I farted again".
So here are some fart jokes about other blondes.
Our current fart joke of the month.
A blonde was happily married, but for one thing. Every morning she woke up early and passed gas, waking up her husband. After a few months of marriage, her husband finally said, "you have to stop this". "If you fart any more, you'll fart your guts out".
But when nothing changed, the husband decided to take action and that night he put some pig scraps in her pants.
The next morning, she woke up, farted and quickly went to the bathroom. Two long hours later, she came out and stated, "honey, you were right about me farting my guts out". "But don't worry, I managed to push it all back inside"
Of course, blondes farting are just as funny as other people farting, but this is a blonde jokes site after all. The famous blind date video is about a typical dumb blonde farting, and of course there is the Britney Spears parody "Oops I farted again".
So here are some fart jokes about other blondes.
Our current fart joke of the month.
A blonde was happily married, but for one thing. Every morning she woke up early and passed gas, waking up her husband. After a few months of marriage, her husband finally said, "you have to stop this". "If you fart any more, you'll fart your guts out".
But when nothing changed, the husband decided to take action and that night he put some pig scraps in her pants.
The next morning, she woke up, farted and quickly went to the bathroom. Two long hours later, she came out and stated, "honey, you were right about me farting my guts out". "But don't worry, I managed to push it all back inside"
;;;Laughter Is Best Medicine.....
Good Health Insurance Pays Off
A young, intelligent medical student specializing in sexual disorders decides to take a tour of a local clinic. Eager to impress a future doctor, the chief resident shows him around the facility.
While discussing current cases and the facility, they stumble across a patient masturbating in his room. “What condition does he have?” the student asks. “He suffers from Seminal Buildup Disorder,” the resident replies. “If he doesn’t ejaculate 20-30 times a day, he’ll become confused and disoriented.”
As the pair continue their tour, the student walks past another room and sees a patient with his pants around ankles, receiving oral sex from a beautiful nurse. “What about him?” the student asks. “What’s his story?”
“Oh, it’s the same condition,” the doctor replies. “He just has a better health plan.”
Question and Answer Lawyer Jokes
Q:What do lawyers and sperm have in common?
A: One in 50,000,000 has a chance of becoming a human being.
Q: What do lawyers use as contraceptives?
A: Their personalities.
Q: How do you stop a lawyer from drowning?
A: Take your foot off it’s head.
Q: What’s the difference between a Catfish and a lawyer?
A: One is a scum sucking bottom dweller, and the other is a fish.
Two Ropes
Two ropes walk in to a bar, one rope calls the bartender and says “Barkeep, let me get a couple of beers.” The bartender says “I’m sorry we dont serve ropes in here.”
Frustrated the ropes walk out and, since this was the only bar in town, they thought about it a little while when finally one rope says “I’ve got an idea.” So he gets him self into a bind and frizzles his ends and walks back into the bar and says “Barkeep, can I get a couple of beers.”
The barkeep says “Sure, but aren’t you those same two ropes that came in here earlier?” The rope answers “Nope, I’m a frayed knot.”
A young, intelligent medical student specializing in sexual disorders decides to take a tour of a local clinic. Eager to impress a future doctor, the chief resident shows him around the facility.
While discussing current cases and the facility, they stumble across a patient masturbating in his room. “What condition does he have?” the student asks. “He suffers from Seminal Buildup Disorder,” the resident replies. “If he doesn’t ejaculate 20-30 times a day, he’ll become confused and disoriented.”
As the pair continue their tour, the student walks past another room and sees a patient with his pants around ankles, receiving oral sex from a beautiful nurse. “What about him?” the student asks. “What’s his story?”
“Oh, it’s the same condition,” the doctor replies. “He just has a better health plan.”
Question and Answer Lawyer Jokes
Q:What do lawyers and sperm have in common?
A: One in 50,000,000 has a chance of becoming a human being.
Q: What do lawyers use as contraceptives?
A: Their personalities.
Q: How do you stop a lawyer from drowning?
A: Take your foot off it’s head.
Q: What’s the difference between a Catfish and a lawyer?
A: One is a scum sucking bottom dweller, and the other is a fish.
Two Ropes
Two ropes walk in to a bar, one rope calls the bartender and says “Barkeep, let me get a couple of beers.” The bartender says “I’m sorry we dont serve ropes in here.”
Frustrated the ropes walk out and, since this was the only bar in town, they thought about it a little while when finally one rope says “I’ve got an idea.” So he gets him self into a bind and frizzles his ends and walks back into the bar and says “Barkeep, can I get a couple of beers.”
The barkeep says “Sure, but aren’t you those same two ropes that came in here earlier?” The rope answers “Nope, I’m a frayed knot.”
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